A lot of things are done in the name of self love these days. And actually, the self love movement is probably one of the largest and most popular movements among Gen-Z and millennials. You and I both know it’s the mantra of our age. Now, this brings a sense of joy and pride to some. But, others are completely turned off. Should Christians be excited about the self love movement or should we hold off from it entirely? Could there be a middle ground? I want to answer these questions for you by looking at the origins of the self love movement, considering its purpose, and taking a look at how people who practice it today would describe it. Then, I’ll compare all of this information to what the Bible tells us about self love. Sounds good? Let’s get started!
What is self-love and how did it get started?
The self love movement can trace its roots back to the Hippie Era of the 1960s. The movement was greatly influenced by postmodern thought and philosophy.
If you don’t know what postmodernism is, it’s a Western philosophy that’s known for skepticism, relativism, and subjectivism that came about after the Second World War and lasted through the Vietnam War. Essentially, there was skepticism against government and political leaders, people believed that truth was relative, and that facts were subjective, rather than objective. This generation had seen so much pain, destruction, and loss and as a result, the solid truths that they previously stood on didn’t seem to be relevant anymore.
As a reaction to the Vietnam War, the Hippie Generation decided that they’d spread peace and love. Perhaps they thought that they could solve the hate in the world through each individual choosing to love themselves more. The movement grew and turned into what we have today.
What does self-love mean to the people who practice it?
According to, Jeffrey Borenstein, MD who is the president of the Brain and Behavior Research Foundation, self love is:
a state of appreciation for oneself that grows from actions that support our physical, psychological and spiritual growth. Self-love means having a high regard for your own well-being and happiness. Self-love means taking care of your own needs and not sacrificing your well-being to please others. Self-love means not settling for less than you deserve.
Jeffrey BORENSTEIN, MD
Andrea Brandt, a marriage and family therapist says this about self love:
Loving yourself doesn’t mean you think you’re the smartest, most talented, and most beautiful person in the world. Instead, when you love yourself you accept your so-called weaknesses, appreciate these so-called shortcomings as something that makes you who you are. When you love yourself you have compassion for yourself… You take care of yourself like you’d take care of a friend in distress. You treat yourself kindly. You don’t nitpick and criticize yourself.
Andrea Brandt, MFT
Ana Sandoiu of Medical News Today says that self love has to do with self compassion, self kindness, mindfulness, and moving away from perfectionism. Many describe self love as self acceptance, loving your body, choosing not to compare yourself to others, and having a self care ritual.
All of this sounds pretty positive, doesn’t it? I won’t deny that many of these researchers are correct in some ways. We should take care of ourselves, treat ourselves kindly, refuse to criticize ourselves, and appreciate our weaknesses. But, what is self love trying to achieve? Is it a means to a specific end? If so, what is that end?
Related: Why “Good” People Need the Gospel
What is self love trying to achieve?
In a 2019 article on self love, Sharon Martin, LCSW said:
Self-love is the foundation that allows us to be assertive, set boundaries and create healthy relationships with others, practice self-care, pursue our interests and goals, and feel proud of who we are.
Sharon Martin, LCSW (EMPHASIS MINE)
Note that she said self love is the foundation that leads to the other good things we want in life. So, I have to pause for a moment and ask this, isn’t Christ that foundation?
The self love movement promises that we’ll be more content, more confident, and more free. But, self love cannot actually make good on this promise. We can only achieve these things in Christ.
Self love seems to be a movement that indirectly tries to replace Christ in being our source and foundation. It preaches that if you love yourself better, you’ll find more fulfillment in life. That’s simply not true.
Interestingly enough, it sounds very works-based. If you do this and you don’t do that, you’ll be happy. But the Gospel is greater than this. Jesus gave his life so that we don’t have to spend all of ours focusing on do’s and don’ts.
Related: 5 Powerful Things You Should Know About God’s Love for You
Is it wrong to love ourselves?
No, absolutely not! In fact, it’s pretty natural for us to love ourselves. That’s probably why the Bible doesn’t tell us to.
For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church,
Ephesians 5:29 ESV
Scripture assumes we love ourselves. This could be why the second of the two greatest commandments tell us to love our neighbor as ourselves. We tend to seek self-preservation above all else. Jesus tells us to seek the well-being of others as we would seek our own.
Related: Why You Should Stop Trying to Earn God’s Love
What does the Bible teach about self love?
What does the Bible say about putting yourself first?
But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.
Matthew 6:33 ESV
Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.
Philippians 2:3-4 ESV
He must increase, but I must decrease.
John 3:30 ESV
We are called to put God and others first in our lives. Yet, the self love movement tells us to put ourselves first. The Bible talks about glorifying God and humbling ourselves, yet self love glorifies self. The Bible tells us to consider other people as more significant than ourselves. The self love movement tells us to have a high regard for ourselves.
Let’s look at 2 Timothy 3:1-5 (ESV)
But understand this, that in the last days there will come times of difficulty. For people will be lovers of self, lovers of money, proud, arrogant, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, heartless, unappeasable, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not loving good, treacherous, reckless, swollen with conceit, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, having the appearance of godliness, but denying its power. Avoid such people.
2 Timothy 3:1-5 ESV
The Greek word translated as lovers of self is phlautos and it means selfish, fond of self, and too intent on one’s self interest.
The self love movement tells us to be fond of ourselves and seek our well-being over the well-being of others. The Bible tells us that this is sin.
So is the Bible saying we shouldn’t have boundaries?
No, we should have boundaries. They are absolutely necessary. Rest is necessary. We can’t give if we’re empty. We need time to rest and refuel in God’s presence. But, our main pursuit in life shouldn’t be, “How can I make myself feel good?” Instead, it should be, “How can I serve God and others better?”
Some positive aspects to the self love movement
I won’t be one of those people who tells you that the self love movement is entirely evil. There are some good things about it. We should have self compassion, we should show ourselves kindness, we should avoid self criticism. That’s all good and true. But we don’t practice these things as a means to an end.
Remember, we were made in the imago dei. We show ourselves kindness and compassion because we bear God’s image. When we honor ourselves and others, we honor God (See 1 Cor 6:19-20).
Our orientation should be God-ward not self-ward. When we’re looking towards God, we will love ourselves well. The attributes of God are our basis for showing ourselves and others love and kindness. It doesn’t come from within us and it certainly doesn’t end within us.
So, what’s the verdict?
Let’s start a new movement and let’s call it biblical love. Biblical love encompasses love for God, others, and a proper and healthy love towards ourselves.
Unfortunately, the secular self love movement is not biblical. Yes, it does have some things that are biblically based like compassion and kindness but as a whole it’s purpose and motivation is not biblical.
The self love movement offers a means to an end that can only be achieved in Christ. If you do all the right things, you’ll feel more worthy. But, we can only find true worth and satisfaction in Christ. This does not come from loving ourselves better.
I am so impressed by your take on the self-love movement! THANK YOU for acknowledging the difference between self-love and self-compassion, and for recognizing that the self-love movement is not all bad. I appreciate your balanced, biblical perspective and how you addressed issue with such tact.
Thanks so much Alycia! Yes, there’s definitely a fine line! Thank you for reading and sharing your thoughts!
Oh bless you my precious daughter. I’ve been telling everyone that no where in the book of life does it say “love yourself”. But everyone has been persecuting me. And this from self claimed Christians. Jesus told me this months ago, you just confirmed that I did hear from God correctly.
God changed my name, it’s not Clayton Wilson anymore. It’s Caelin Christante now. I placed my new email address in the field.
I’m sorry to hear that! I’m glad that God used this article to confirm what he’s been speaking to you 🙂
Your subject matter and the way you address it is so incredibly relevant right now. The fine distinction between self love as a child of God and secular self love is critical in our surrender of ourselves to actually be held in complete love by God whose love is so much better in every way than that we or the world can ever offer. And yet this balance is most difficult to achieve at times. Thank you for addressing this meaningful topic I would love to hear more on this one day! God bless you 🙏🏻💕
Yes, such a fine distinction! Thank you for reading and sharing your thoughts!
You handled this topic SO WELL! “We don’t practice these things as a means to an end” – YES! I can’t even choose my favorite part because it was all so good. Thanks for another great resource, Shante!
Of course, thanks so much Abigail!
What a wonderfully balanced approach to this increasingly popular topic! I, too, had skepticism about this since becoming aware of this practice. Your thoughts were in complete alignment with my perspective. Thank you so much for this well-written post.
Though I agree with a lot of what you said in this article I will have to disagree with you on one major pivotal point. As a Christian my orientation has been “God-ward not self-ward” all my life and I have tried to “do all the right things”, yet never feet very worthy.
I feel that for people like me there needs to be more internal self improvement work that includes allowing myself permission to love myself unconditionally like God loves us all.
I believe we all are born loving ourselves but some of us become conditioned or taught to to dislike ourselves through well meaning adults trying to humble us or get us to behave who don’t know any better or cruel people who try to belittle us. This results in a person like me who could barely stand to look at myself in the mirror because of the self criticism that ran through my mind constantly.
Now that I practice self compassion and self love I have been able to start to feel some of the love my Heavenly Father has for me. I have been able to gain a portion of self confidence, reduce some of my social anxiety, and fell like I am capable of offering service to my fellow human beings that actually makes a positive difference. This would not have been possible if I continued to beat myself up with my thoughts in an effort to attain perfection or an effort to humble myself.
I don’t believe true self love is evil or selfish and I refuse to feel guilty for trying to free myself of my debilitating negative thoughts that have plagued me most of my life.
I recognize that each of our respective opinions on this subject can be true from our own perspectives and I harbor no ill will to you for expressing you opinion.
Hey Dina, thank you for sharing your thoughts! I really appreciate your perspective. It adds some nuance to the conversation. You are absolutely correct, it’s definitely not wrong to love ourselves — it’s important and honestly, something that we naturally do. But like you said, sometimes we become conditioned to dislike ourselves. Through his love, God heals us from these thoughts and beliefs and he helps us to see ourselves how he sees us. I also want you to know that I am in no way saying that someone should be negative towards themselves in order to be humble. I wholeheartedly believe that God extends his love to us and calls us to receive it; it’s not something that we earn by punishing ourselves. I’m grateful to hear that you’ve been able to do some inner work and have begun healing. And if you would like to chat about this further, feel free to email me with any questions.
All the best,
Shanté
Thank you for this article. My daughter is wrapped up in the whole self love movement and this article makes great discussion.
I come from a loving place with this comment. This was so hard to read.
As a women who did not grow up in a religious home but still a very narcissistic one I did not grow up learning to love nyself. I learned to think nothing of myself and to only serve the narcissistic. This led go self identity issues and lack of self worth which led me into bad relationships and bad self esteem issues where I always criticized myself.
After years of going through many life changing experiences after leaving my hometown I found a strength in me to endure all the good & bad and take it in stride. I loved all people and learned to see people as they were with no flaws. I became such a loving person without having a negative cloud over my head and found my ableness to get me through the dark times all by believing in myself.
I’m very humble and do not feel self centered one bit but through life I developed a moral compass and self worthiness. I learned to recognize my weakness and strengths as my efforts. I learned to treat myself with kindness as we cannot expect anyone outside of us to be there in a physical form to love us. We must dig deep within our own soul and heal ourselves within, Through meditation and self nurture. Because I love myself and see myself as my source of happiness it can never be taken from me. I can never doubt myself. I’m here. Alive and breathing.
I cannot fathom not loving myself becuase it’ll make me “selfish ” in God’s eyes. I don’t believe that whole mindset is healthy at all. We are connected as beings of energy and we are connected to the creator and the created in indescribable ways. We are all worthy of love with or without “serving” God. We are special magical beings with the capability to do whatever we put our minds and hearts into. We are not self seeking. We love others purely because we learned to love ourselves first and grow compassion. Once you have compassion for yourself you see everything on a human level and just spread love.
Don’t let your religion rob you of a life full of joy without the fear of “sin” .
Thank you for sharing your thoughts, Jessica. I’m sorry that this article was hard to read.
But, I want you to understand where I’m coming from with this article. I’m speaking about the movement of self-love as a means to an end. Secondly, I am also speaking to Christians.
If you grew up in a narcissistic home and you struggle to love and care for yourself, it is absolutely important to begin to see yourself in a healthy way and have love rather than hatred towards yourself.
However, the movement of self-love seems to promise that everything will get better with our lives if we look internally and “self-love.” For some people, this leads to selfishness. On the other hand, the Bible teaches self-sacrifice and prioritizing others. Again, this does not mean that we neglect ourselves (and if one has dealt with abuse or other difficult situations, this article might not fully apply to them).
Ultimately, self-love is not going to lead to a perfect life like the philosophy promises. Christians believe that a fulfilled life comes from Christ.
We can have joy and happiness and love ourselves in a biblical way (thinking of God and others).
If you have other questions, feel free to email me!
How do you address people who are depressed, suicidal, or people who hate their own bodies and their own lives?
Hi Tony, people who are dealing with the things you mentioned may need to hear a different message. They need to hear how much God loves them and be encouraged to love themselves too. This article is written to address Self-Love as a movement and to point out the ways in which it can be harmful. Loving oneself is important, especially for someone who is struggling, but it’s not a means to finding true joy and satisfaction. It can only get someone part of the way there. Finding true joy and satisfaction comes from Christ – he is the one who gives us the power to love ourselves (and others) as we should. I hope that helps!
Hallelujah. Biblical love that’s the most beautiful I’ve ever heard🤍🤍🤍❤️🔥❤️🔥