What Does It Really Take to Be a Proverbs 31 Woman?
For many years, I ignored Proverbs 31 in the Bible. When I did read the chapter, I glossed over it apathetically. I didn’t like the idea of the so-called Proverbs 31 woman. I later came to realize that my problem was not with the biblical passage, it was with everything people made the Proverbs 31 woman out to be.
I’m not the only one who has felt this way about the P31 woman. Lisa Allen-McLaurin writes that as a young woman, she noticed that many people seemed to be “excited, encouraged, and awed” by the Proverbs 31 woman. However, Allen-McLaurin felt exhausted for her.1
On the other hand, Hannah Rasmussen recalls that as an icebreaker at a Ladies Ministry meeting, each woman was given a cupcake with a character trait of the Proverbs 31 woman iced on top of their cupcake. After each woman received her cupcake, the leader then shared how “Prov 31:10–31 had challenged her to be a better wife, mother, and businesswoman” and encouraged the women to put into practice the trait on her cupcake.2
For some, becoming like the Proverbs 31 woman is an exciting goal to reach towards. However, for others, like Allen-McLaurin and myself, the standard feels unattainable.3
However, over the years, I’ve grown to appreciate the words of Proverbs 31. This is because I now know that taken in context, Proverbs 31 is not a standard or goalpost for women. Let’s take a look at what Proverbs 31 is saying (and not saying), what it means, and how we can apply it as Christians today.
Where did Christian culture get the idea of the Proverbs 31 Woman?
Great question! The Proverbs 31 or “P31” woman comes from the last chapter of the book of Proverbs. The book of Proverbs is included in the ketuvim or the “writings” section of the Hebrew Bible. Proverbs is wisdom literature and helps readers reflect upon and apply the teachings of the Torah.
Proverbs 31 are the words of King Lemuel.4 He records a Hebrew acrostic poem that his mother taught him. Let’s call her “the wise woman.” She offered him wisdom for how he might conduct himself as king. The poem warns Lemuel against giving his “strength to women… who ruin kings (Proverbs 31:23).” It also advises him to avoid wine and strong drink so he doesn’t “forget what has been decreed” and “deprive all the oppressed of their rights (31:5).” Next, the poem calls Lemuel to “speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves” and “defend the rights of the poor and needy (31:8-9).”
After this, the poem moves from general advice and offers praise for a “woman of strength” for the rest of the chapter.
Related: How to Study the Genres in the Bible
The text doesn’t say this but perhaps the second half of the poem is the wise woman’s way of advising her son about the kind of wife he should marry. A common motif that runs throughout Proverbs is that of Lady Wisdom and Lady Folly so it makes sense that the book closes with an extended poem about a woman.
Instead of understanding Proverbs 31 in context, Christian culture took the poem and ran with it as a goalpost for women. They put it on coffee mugs and t-shirts, and have written devotionals, Bible studies, and books about it. From a young age, women are implicitly or explicitly taught to become like this “virtuous woman.”
Thankfully, Scripture does not place this burden on women, and we don’t have to read Proverbs 31 as a checklist to achieve.
Take a deep breath — It’s a poem, not a commandment.
Related: Powerful Lessons from Three Unnamed Women in the Bible
The Proverbs 31 Woman Explained
In some Christian communities, the Proverbs 31 woman is used to consign women to the home.5 To use the language of our day in 2025, they might call her a tradwife. Ironically, the tradwife ideal goes back to the 1950s in the United States and does not necessarily reflect what the Bible says about women. For others, Proverbs 31 means that a woman must seek to do everything within and outside of the home.
Here’s the good news. While Proverbs 31 likely describes an actual woman who existed in history, it is also allegorical.6 Since it doesn’t describe every aspect of her life (her relationship with her husband, kids, etc.), it’s likely an idealized portrait of her life, work, and characteristics. The poem does not suggest that every woman is to embody all of the traits included in her description.
Scholars call this type of poem an encomium. It’s a speech or poem that expresses praise for a particular person or type of person.7 John Goldingay explains that this poem was placed at the end of Proverbs because the virtuous woman embodies much of the characteristics praised in the book.8
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Characteristics of the Proverbs 31 Woman
Instead of glossing over her traits, let’s take a look at them. As we do so, remember that they are idealistic and can point us to something greater. We won’t look at every verse but if you want to study the poem further, this commentary is great. However, I do want to highlight the phrases “a virtuous woman/a wife of noble character” in v. 10, “She selects wool and flax and works with eager hands” in v. 13, and “she sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks” in v. 17. I’ll also discuss v. 30 separately.
A virtuous woman who can find?
If you pick up a few versions of the Bible, you’ll find that each translates this phrase differently.
The NIV calls her “a wife of noble character,” the ESV “a virtuous woman,” the ASV “a worthy woman” and the NRSV, “a woman of strength.”
However, in Hebrew, she is called “woman of valor” (eshet chayil). We also find this term in Proverbs 12:4, Ruth 3:11, and Psalm 84:7. It is the feminine counterpart to the words “mighty warrior/man of valor” used to describe Gideon in Judges 6:12. Jessica L.M. Jenkins adds that other than these instances, the word “valor” (chayil) is used to describe men. She notes that “Scripture compliments the Woman of Valor in a decidedly masculine tone.”9
As if to give us a real picture of this P31 woman, Ruth is described as a “woman of valor.” Interestingly, her story comes directly after Proverbs in the Hebrew Bible. Ruth was indeed a woman of strength. She left her home and family behind and faithfully clung to Naomi without knowing how things would turn out for her in a new land.
And now, my daughter, don’t be afraid. I will do for you all you ask. All the people of my town know that you are a woman of noble character.
Like Ruth, the Proverbs 31 woman is not just a woman with good character or virtue. She is also a woman of strength and valor. The rest of the poem extols both her character and her strength.
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She selects wool and flax and works with eager hands.
I love this verse because it’s a reminder that the P31 woman was resourceful. She was not afraid to use her God-given skills for the sake of her husband and family.
This is a characteristic that both women and men should seek to emulate. Yes, men too. As Rasmussen writes, “we risk muffling God’s word when we assume that any part of the Bible applies exclusively to women, men, or any other group. The whole Bible is God’s word to God’s whole people.”10
Whether you are a woman or a man, married or single, consider how you can use the abilities and skills God has given you to do good for those in your community.
She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks
This passage is a reminder that biblical women do not necessarily look like the caricatures modern society has made of them.
The Virtuous Woman in Proverbs 31 was likely physically strong. While she likely had servants to help her, she physically “girds herself with strength” and as the NRSVUE translates, “makes her arms strong.” Waltke explains that this metaphor is fitting for the “physical and spiritual strength demanded for her accomplishments in textiles, culinary art, and farming.” Her strong arms “signify both her capability and her tenacity to complete the task.”11
The P31 woman is not the only woman in the Bible described as physically strong. Rebekah, the wife of Isaac, also had remarkable physical strength:
After she had given him a drink, she said, “I’ll draw water for your camels too, until they have had enough to drink.” So she quickly emptied her jar into the trough, ran back to the well to draw more water, and drew enough for all his camels. Without saying a word, the man watched her closely to learn whether or not the Lord had made his journey successful.
We don’t notice this from reading the text at first glance but to water the camels of Isaac’s servant would have taken a lot of water. Tikva Frymer-Kensky explains that Ancient Near Eastern wells were not vertical like our modern day wells. There was no rope-attached bucket one could send down to draw water. Wells were sloped like hills. Rebekah would have to go down the slope and come back up many times to satisfy the thirst of the camels.12
Recognizing the physical strength of the women in the Bible is notable especially in a society that still sees women as weak. If you’re a woman and you are physically strong, celebrate that. But, like Rebekah and the P31 woman, use that strength in service to God and others.
Related: Why Do The Stories of Women in the Old Testament Matter for Us?
The Most Meaningful Characteristic of the Proverbs 31 Woman
I encourage you to read the poem closely, study its context, and discover characteristics of the Proverbs 31 woman you may have missed in the past. But, before I wrap up this article, I want to highlight Proverbs 31:30.
If you’d like to emulate the Proverbs 31 woman, I would say emulate this particular characteristic:
Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
There is a lot that can be said about her but what is most meaningful is that she fears the Lord. This verse echoes the themes in Proverbs as a whole but it particularly draws us back to consider Proverbs 1:7.
The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge, but fools despise wisdom and instruction.
All Christians — both men and women — are called to fear the Lord.
Fearing the Lord doesn’t mean that we’re afraid of him. It simply means that we live reverently and in awe of him and his greatness.
Related: What Does it Mean to Fear God?
What else makes someone a virtuous woman (or man)?
The good things we do don’t necessarily make us virtuous if they are not done because of love and a reverential fear of God. Virtuous women and men spend time in communion with God. They seek his presence, love his word, and cherish his will.
We don’t know who the P31 woman was or why she received the honor of being memorialized in Scripture. However, I doubt that she was seeking praise or fame. She simply lived a faithful life, honored the Lord, and made the best of each day.
Christian women don’t need to see the Proverbs 31 woman as a measure of their own worth. Our lives are not the same as hers. After all, we live in an entirely different time period with unique life circumstances.
However, she can serve as a reminder of the call all Christians have to live faithfully by doing all things for the glory of God and the good of his creation.
Note: This article was originally published on March 22nd, 2021 and was updated on October 20th, 2025.
- Lisa Allen-McLaurin, “Overcoming the Violence of ‘Virtuous’ Womanhood: Liberating Women from the Proverbs 31 Paradigm,” Religions 14, no. 8 (2023): 2, https://doi.org/10.3390/rel14081028. ↩︎
- Hannah Rasmussen, “Finding ‘The Proverbs 31 Woman,’” Priscilla Papers 32, no. 2 (Spring 2018): 21-26, https://www.cbeinternational.org/resource/finding-proverbs-31-woman/. ↩︎
- Allen-McLaurin, 2. ↩︎
- Many scholars suggest that Lemuel might be another name for King Solomon. Therefore, the wise woman speaking may be Bathsheba. ↩︎
- Lori Alexander, “The Proverbs 31 Woman Was a Career Woman?”, The Transformed Wife, November 11 2019, https://thetransformedwife.com/the-proverbs-31-woman-was-a-career-woman/. ↩︎
- Michael V. Fox, Proverbs 10–31 (New Haven, CT: Yale University Press, 2009), 905. ↩︎
- Fox, Proverbs 10-31, 903. ↩︎
- John Goldingay, Proverbs (Grand Rapids, MI: Eerdmans, 2023), 374-376. ↩︎
- Jessica L. M. Jenkins, “Challenging Gender Norms: The Masculine Power of Proverbs 31’s Woman of Valor,” CBE International, March 27, 2025, https://www.cbeinternational.org/resource/mutuality-challenging-gender-norms/. ↩︎
- Rasmussen, 21. ↩︎
- Bruce K. Waltke and Ivan D. V. De Silva, Proverbs: A Shorter Commentary (Grand Rapids: Eerdmans, 2021), 474. ↩︎
- Tikva Frymer-Kensky, Reading the Women of the Bible: A New Interpretation of Their Stories (New York: Schocken Books, 2004), 9.
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Amen! Thank you for sharing this truth today. What a great reminder that our worth is found in Christ and not in our ability to be the perfect Proverbs 31 women. As a natural born perfectionist I often struggle with my limitations and appreciate this reminder that God can still use us for His good and glory.
Amen, it’s so good to know that God wants our hearts to be rooted in him more than he wants us to be perfect! Thank you for reading and sharing your thoughts!
I felt guilty and very upset with myself after reading P31. I am physically disabled to such a degree that I’m homebound and need a caregiver. How can I become a woman describe in P31?
I’m sorry to hear that you feel this way. The thing that is most notable about the woman in Proverbs 31 is her heart of devotion toward the Lord. She did everything else because she loved God. Even though you are physically disabled, you can be devoted to God. There are things you can do to show it that are not physical. For example, praying silently for others can express devotion to God. I hope that helps!
Hello Shante! My birthday was yesterday in PH, August 20. I just recently launched a blog to kick-off my 34th year in this world and while reading about proverbs 31 woman more as I’d like it to be a goal or prayer or wish for myself, I stumbled into your blog. I like it a lot. Letting you know that I’ll mention your points and your blog in my upcoming episode. Thank you! Here’s my podcast: https://anchor.fm/kringjuly
Hi Kresia! I’m glad to hear that and happy belated birthday! Congrats on launching your blog! Looking forward to checking it out!
I read Proverbs 31 and I felt guilty and inadequate. I was literally crying my eyes out and then I found your blog. Thank you for breaking it down and explaining it the way you did. I feel so much better now! I am a perfectionist and I have to remind myself that I do not have to be perfect,
I cannot do it all and especially not without Him!
Wow, I’m so glad the article helped clear things up for you! Amen, we cannot do it all and we’re not called to be perfect, just to submit our entire lives to the Lord!
Oh how god works! I had just read this Bible verse about the proverbs 31 woman, and I immediately started planning things out in my head that I “had to do” in order to be a virtuous women.It’s no accident that I found this blog post! Thank you for shedding light on this subject, I will definitely mention you on my blog! Have a blessed day!!?
You’re welcome! I’m glad it was helpful for you Emma!
Very well said what a powerful massage
As always, you handled this passage SO WELL, my friend! “The good things we do don’t make us virtuous. Virtue comes from constant communion with God.” Amen to that! It’s HIS righteousness, not ours! I always stayed away from this passage for all the reasons you mentioned, but you’re so right, it’s about the inward fruit producing outward fruit, not the other way around. Thanks for this, Shanté!
Thanks so much sis! Grateful for your support!
Thank you. So often syntax of words or the appearances of things are confused.
For instance I love and praise God in my heart daily, and in the hearts of those I meet. But I have never actually “feared” God. I came to understand “Fear of God” is a translation or a way to express one’s reverence for God.
Not specifically about “fear” as in other modern contexts.
Amen!! I completely agree. Thank you!
Thank you! That was a really clear explanation. I have honestly never felt bothered or condemned by the Proverbs 31 woman, but it makes sense to hear that it’s been used in a way culturally that has been detrimental. I just haven’t run across that particular church subculture around this passage.
I will say, coming from outside of that context, I enjoy reading about a woman so highly valued for being prudent, hard working, and generous. (No emphasis on youth, beauty, charm, etc.)
Well said! What a blessing to read this to start my day!
I found this right at the time I needed. Thank you for your breakdown.
As I start a 21 day journey of intentionally and purposefully pursuing God I came across your page on this day 1. I am so overjoyed that your page holds exactly what I was looking for as a way to open up my heart and mind more to God so that I can get the anointing needed to be a better mother, co-parent, daughter, sister, friend, future wife and most importantly servant of God. I’m grateful and excited about what is to come over the next 21 days as God reveals himself to me. Shante’ thanks for such great content as a guide and start along the way.
I’m so glad to hear that!
Thank you for sharing this in a way I’ve never heard it being shared. I would like to connect more if you are open to have a chat and perhaps having you on one of my Zoom sessions. My name is Pastor Mel and I’m based in Zimbabwe. Please email me on emeldavhiriri@gmail.com
You’re welcome, Pastor Mel! I’m glad it was helpful. Right now, I would not be available but I will let you know if anything opens up in my schedule in the future!
This post was so helpful. I’ve always thought that being a virtuous woman had to do with excelling in the characteristics mentioned in Proverbs 31. Now, I have a better perspective.
Thanks a lot, Shanté.
You’re welcome, Jemimah! I’m glad it was helpful 🙂
Love lt!!!!!
Shante! You hit the nail on the head with this one! This blessed me in so many ways! I looked at the way people talk about the P31 woman and thought “Wow! I have so much to get in order!” It reminded me of how we feel like we have to “have it all together” before we come to God when all He tells us to do is Come! We don’t have to have it all together just as long as the desire for Him is there, He takes care of the rest. We don’t have to have it all together like the P31 woman as long as we fear the Lord and our heart posture is right…the virtue will surely be there. I’m thankful for you and the clarity of this scripture! God bless you!!
Thank you Shante for this translation of the P31 woman. I was reading the Bible on the same and it didnt quite register and so i was looking for a simplified translation and came across this. Iv been blessed by your message. Love and light.
Oh my goodness well said 👏👏👏👏👏
Hi Shante. I came across this article during a google search. I’m a 47 year old mum living in Cyprus with 3 young girls and a lovely Christian husband. I love the Lord and have known his love for me in powerful ways especially during my conversion. At 17, I was a mess, stuck in a evil world of drugs, drink, partying and a broken home. Gods love invaded my life and caused my alabaster jar to brake. I fell head over heels in love with Him. Years down the line of complete restoration, I have now become a bit down trodden and grumpy with my life and its demands and seeing the negative impact between not having time enough time with God because of running a busy home and owning a small business. I love it but it takes up most of my time. I think God doesnt want me to slow down but to actually get ready for more exciting things, but in this, learn to be more still in His presence by coming before Him more regularly. Isnt this the secret to living life in all its fulness in Him. But what a battle to just get into His presence regularly!!!!
Hi Naomi, thank you for sharing your story with me. It can be a battle. But it’s great that you continue to show up!
I really enjoyed the reading and would like more please and thank you.
This article was an amazing read… I struggle with letting go of Wordly things but he’s been on my spirit so much lately just a desire for his word
Oh wow! Thank you so much for breaking down Proverbs 31!! Your blog was much needed during this new life chapter and I will remember these points as I continue on my spiritual journey.
Thank you for this blessing, I’m starting a women’s bible study for high school girls and college students. What you have wrote is going to help me in my next topic. Thank you! May the Lord bless you.
That’s great to hear, wishing you the best! God bless you too.
Wow! Shanté, this is amazing. I’ve read about the P31 woman over and over, but I always came to a conclusion that she must have been quite good at multi-tasking, which made me wonder if one wouldn’t suffer burnout under such circumstances. However, I find it encouraging both in our walk with God and in our daily living, especially in this new techno age where most things can be done while one is busy with some other important matter. Even AI seems to be solving most of our life problems these days. Yet we shouldn’t forget that it is only God who is above all things.
If only we could focus more on the Lord than the other stuff distracting us from his presence, we would be giving him the attention he deserves and the same multi-tasking as we do other stuff in life. The result would be a better world which has the picture of heavenly living. Our tasks would be pleasing to the Father and we would leave other things to work themselves out as we submit to him wholly. We all are his created beings who go about our duties, while we hold on to his truth that with him there is no lack of any good thing… this includes our physical appearance and health issues.
Thanks for reading and for sharing your thoughts! That is very true — giving God the attention he deserves makes such a difference in our lives and in our world. Fearing and honoring the Lord is the most important thing!